Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
