why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
