I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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