I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
