I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
