We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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