that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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