remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
