I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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