??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
