I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
