i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
