her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
