I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
