remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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