so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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