Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize