so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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