physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
