I think im going to throw up on grandma
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
