Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
