I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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