Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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