its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
