dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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