I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
