i think my mom watched the whole time
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
