Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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