I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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