I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
