It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
