I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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