I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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