...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You're like the curious george of whores
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
