What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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