there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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