No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
