My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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