There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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