he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
