Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
