Your mouth is God's brothel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
