"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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