you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
