she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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