So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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