She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
