Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
