Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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