I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
