Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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