you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
