I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
