just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
