I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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