This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
