I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
