as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
