i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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