Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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