I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
