This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
