I just pynch a tree in the face
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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