I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we made out on top of his cat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
whose parrot is this?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
