So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
