When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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