Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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