ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
