I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
