the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize