So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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