do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Two words: blizzard sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
