Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
