Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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