covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
