I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
