Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
