My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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