i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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