I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
