Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
