What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
