on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
