he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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