recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize