Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
