im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everclear isn't food dammit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
