Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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