i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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