The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
