You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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