Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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