thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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