Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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