better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
