ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's rum buckets o'clock
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