OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
