Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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