If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
