I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
