did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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