Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
